There are two kinds of pedophiles. I know, because I was molested by both.
I used to believe I was broken and nothing could fix me. I believed that my experiences had changed me in irrevocable ways. I would always hurt. I would always be vulnerable to triggers. I would always bring my molesters to bed with me. I would always live in a dissociative state. I would never be able to really love life, because after all these years, death was still the more appealing choice. I still wanted to go home.
Then, in the fall of 2006, I became sick with a puzzling illness. It stripped me of my life and my identity, leaving me isolated in my cocoon. My chronic illness broke me down in ways that allowed me to rebuild my life. It opened me to healing resources that I don’t believe I would have found any other way.
Now, you don’t have to become sick to be able to heal from sexual abuse. Thankfully, we have the opportunity in life to learn from others’ experiences. It is my hope that by sharing my story, you will be able to find what you need to heal yourself, too.