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Jan 26

Days of Wonder

Wonder Eye By Jalal Volker (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

Wonder Eye By Jalal Volker

It all begins with a little bit of hope and a leap of faith.

My family and I moved to a different state this summer so that I could see a specialist for my chronic illness, ME/CFS. At my first appointment, my doctor told me, “I think you have Lyme disease.”

What? No, I had been tested for Lyme previously, and it came back negative. Plus, I don’t remember ever having been bitten by a tick.

He ordered extensive testing, and I waited for answers.

Yep. Lyme disease.

Not just Lyme disease, of course. It never is. I have a handful of chronic co-infections, mytochondrial dysfunction, hormonal imbalances, POTS, sleep disturbances, and immune dysfunction as well.

We rolled up our sleeves and got to work. Very hard work.

My body has been ravaged for almost nine years now, and it’s going to take time to heal. It’s an arduous journey. One step forward, two steps back. Two steps forward, one step back. Slowly, painfully, incrementally. I have tiny glimpses of improvements, but most days I wonder if I’m making any progress at all. I wonder if this is all worth it.

Each day, I choose hope. Each day, I take a leap of faith.

I’ve made a promise to myself.

I think that recovering from ME/CFS is kind of like coming out of a coma. I’m like a baby, a toddler just learning to walk. Everything is new again. As I improve, I will be able to rediscover those things that used to bring me joy, those things that I mourned when I had to let them slip from my life.

I promise that I will approach each new discovery with wonder.

When was the last time you experienced wonder?

4 comments

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  1. Eydie

    I’m so proud of you, Shelli. You’re on a rough journey – but you’ve chosen the right path. Way to go! Thanks for including us in your “discovery of wonder”.

    My “wonder” comes from the ocean. When I drive out to Newport or Balboa (or any beach) – I can sit for hours just watching and listening to the waves. I’m in awe of them. I totally respect its strengths and beauty….and all it holds beneath.

    1. Shelli Proffitt Howells

      Eydie, the beach is my favorite place on the earth! I feel the same way that you do. 🙂 Thank you!

  2. Jane Saunders

    I love your positive attitude. My prayers are with you as you journey through this. Have you considered talking with a Registered Dietician to see if a specific diet might help you? Just a thought. I experienced wonder just this morning, 1/28, as I drove with my son to drop off his 3 daughters at 3 different schools. I’ll do this frequently; it’s a special time for good conversation.

    1. Shelli Proffitt Howells

      Thank you, Jane, prayers are always welcome and so very appreciated. I have made some serious adjustments to my diet as part of my treatment plan. Hopefully, everything will come together synergistically. 🙂

      And how delightful to spend time with your son and granddaughters! I remember many wonderful conversations with my kids while playing taxi.

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