My family and I moved to a different state this summer so that I could see a specialist for my chronic illness, ME/CFS. At my first appointment, my doctor told me, “I think you have Lyme disease.”
What? No, I had been tested for Lyme previously, and it came back negative. Plus, I don’t remember ever having been bitten by a tick.
He ordered extensive testing, and I waited for answers.
Yep. Lyme disease.
Not just Lyme disease, of course. It never is. I have a handful of chronic co-infections, mytochondrial dysfunction, hormonal imbalances, POTS, sleep disturbances, and immune dysfunction as well.
We rolled up our sleeves and got to work. Very hard work.
My body has been ravaged for almost nine years now, and it’s going to take time to heal. It’s an arduous journey. One step forward, two steps back. Two steps forward, one step back. Slowly, painfully, incrementally. I have tiny glimpses of improvements, but most days I wonder if I’m making any progress at all. I wonder if this is all worth it.
Each day, I choose hope. Each day, I take a leap of faith.
I’ve made a promise to myself.
I think that recovering from ME/CFS is kind of like coming out of a coma. I’m like a baby, a toddler just learning to walk. Everything is new again. As I improve, I will be able to rediscover those things that used to bring me joy, those things that I mourned when I had to let them slip from my life.
I promise that I will approach each new discovery with wonder.
When was the last time you experienced wonder?